Bad Austen

Chapter I

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of an extraordinarily large package, must be in want of a warm place to put it.

However little known the sexual predilections of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, much less his tendency to dress in frills, lace and form-fitting breeches, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters. Or, as whispered behind closed doors, one of their sons. [Read More]

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that dancing in circles inevitably leads to marrying rich men. Take, for example, the following scene…

“Does your name begin with the letters ‘W’ and ‘i’?” the second-comeliest girl in the room asked the admirable officer she was dancing with. [Read More]

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It has been said, by a wise, or perhaps only cynical man, that a young lady likes to be crossed in love once in a while. Indeed, every young lady ought to be sure to be crossed in love at least once in her life, if only for the invaluable lessons to be learned by the experience. Miss Margaret Pennyworth, being as well versed in universal truths as can reasonably be expected of a young lady of seventeen, knew this.   [Read More]

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Fitzwilliam Darcy looked about the study and his gaze settled on the bottle of brandy resting atop the credenza. Once again, he waged the internal battle as to how proper it would be to take a drink prior to his appointment. It was not the hour that concerned him; it was well into the night. But the smell of brandy may not be proper to the others whom he would encounter for the first time at this meeting. He had always schooled himself to be so proper, and now, when faced with unfamiliar circumstances to say the least, he was feeling quite panicked. [Read More]

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